Rabu, 20 September 2017

A Magical Words "Thank You"



Sebuah kalimat yang  membuat diriku berpikir dua kali, sederhana namun menyentuh lubuk hati. Kalimat yang keluar dari mulut papaku, kalimat yang dua kali beliau ucapkan dalam waktu belakangan ini. Sebuah kata dari “three magical words” yaitu TERIMA KASIH. Entah apa yang membuat kalimat itu terlalu berharga bagiku, mengubah pola pikirku, membuat tekad menjadi anak dan wanita yang lebih baik. Dari ribuan terima kasih yang terucap oleh papa, pertama kalinya kalimat itu membuatku tersentuh ketika aku menyelesaikan sidang Sarjanaku. Mengabari beliau dan mama adalah hal pertama kulakukan. Ketika beliau mengangkat dan mendengar kabar itu ia memberiku selamat dan “terima kasih nak, kamu menyelesaikannya dengan baik”. Saat itu juga aku terdiam dan air mata hendak menerobos keluar, kalimat yang seharusnya aku ucapkan kepada beliau bukan malah sebaliknya. Aku yang seharusnya berterima kasih, karena di 23 tahun hidupku belum bisa memberikan apa- apa, dimana aku seharusnya bisa bekerja sambil kuliah namun beliau memberikan kebebasan untukku untuk tidak bekerja dan menjadi pengangguran sambil kuliah di malam hari. Aku yang merengek meminta sesuatu yang terkadang lupa memikirkan bagaimana kondisi mereka. Aku yang seharusnya berterima kasih karena selalu ada untuk mendengarkan keluh kesahku disaat teman yang ku junjung lupa akan diriku dan sibuk ketika aku memerlukan mereka. Aku yang seharusnya berterima kasih, namun mendengar kalimat itu keluar dari beliau membuatku lega, membuat semua usaha ku terbayarkan, BAHAGIA tapi merasa bersalah.

Malam ini, kata itu muncul kembali ketika ia meminta ku untuk shalat pada tepat waktu terutama shubuh. Kalian tau, aku manusia yang lebih aktif di tengah malam dibandingkan siang hari, karena terbiasa dari kecil dan hingga kini menjadi kebiasaan untuk tidur larut. Terkadang untuk shalat subuh masih saja terlambat meskipun telah ditelpon dan dibantu alarm yang super keras aku akan susah terbangun. Beliau bilang “Shalat tepat waktu lah nak, kalau tidak papa yang akan berdosa tidak bisa mengajarkanmu shalat pada tepat waktu. Papa berterima kasih kalau kamu mau melakukannya”. Tersadar aku masih jauh dari kata berbakti, aku anak satu – satunya dan aku juga berperan dalam dosa dan pahala beliau. Aku masih jauh dari kata seorang umat yang baik, begitu banyak kekuranganku bahkan shalat saja aku masih saja lalai.


Terima kasih papa dan mama, ku selalu berdoa Allah SWT panjangkan umurmu, sehatkan dirimu dan bahagiakan dirimu agar selalu bersamaku. aku akan berusaha menjadi anak yang berbakti dan baik untukmu. Aku mencintai kalian lebih dari apapun.

Selasa, 25 April 2017

Brand new 23rd y.o !

I    A M    2 3   Y E A R S    O L D    L A D Y



Yea, started from 24th April, 2017 i am officially 23 y.o. You can say that I am not a teenager anymore, not a fully adult too, because i think i am still a high school student soul ~ don't blame me haha. Here the stories of my 23 y.o began, for the first time that i don't have a hope for anything from everyone, since i am in Jakarta all alone. Then my best friend her name Edhelweis always asked me to go to Bandung, since she is staying there  and she asked me since last February but i can't fulfill it because i have an issue with my teeth. Then i get a chance at this weekend when i checked the calendar, my birthday is 24th  April marked as a red date. Finally i planed to spend my birthday with her and of course my tsundere boy, rather be alone at dorm. I get my ticket, usually i rode a train to went there since it cheap enough and comfy too. 

At 23rd April morning, with excitement i went to station and can't wait arrived in Bandung. On my way, Edhelweis remind me that she has a event to follow and i can have a date first with my boy but i actually have a ticklish feeling that i am afraid to be burden on him but i miss him a lot. So he said that he will wait me at his dorm since i will put my bag first at his dorm. With a lot effort and worried because my driver seems clumsy but i am trying to be okay. When i am gonna tell him i will arrived soon, my battery run out. Of course made me panic and luckily i have another battery. 

I called him, and we prepared as soon as possible, oh god! i miss him even he in front of me what a crazy heart. Then we started our date to eat first, since i already starving and he either. We already decided to heading to a steak place, called "KARNIVOR" i love their steak so yumyum. We wait angkot and nothing passing by, there was traffic too and we trying to booked online taxi so nothing accepted too. When i looked at the sky started darker so we decided to using some motorcycle online, separated. You know what? A heavy rain came fastest than i though and the result is my pants and shoes became a pool. I worried about him too, and we met he already not in a good mood since he has OCD but i understand him, i tried to calm his down. We eat deliciously and talk a lot, i always love to talk with him without cell phone or laptop. After a main course we need a dessert, we walked through the city, talk with him and walk together what a romance for me. Then we enter the place, another reason for him not really in mood is we got a bad position seat, since it a crowded there, so we have no choice. After that he suggest we went to korean cafe, what a rare suggestion i've got. so we went there, we waited again and finally full stomach ever. We got home, at night he came to my place with his friends and we make a noodle together. We talked, we laugh together until the midnight 00.00. They already told me to not hoped for anything, i am not but a lil hihi so they just light up a candles for me and blow it. Not long after that they went home.

THE DAY - we already promised to play bowling today, so we met at the place. I dress up with my effort since today is the day. We met and i came for the first time to bowling arena. I got nervous and started to like and know how. What a new experienced for me, thank to them, Adek, Bedul and Him. After that we going around Bandung, Ciwalk and arrived at "LEKKER". Actually i want more spend more quality time with him huhu but maybe still not the right time. We talked but i already sleepy, after we finished everything we went home. Me and Adek already planed to make a dinner, so we went home first. While cooked i always waited for him, We need to optimize our time. But still his face not popped in front of me, arrgh i am start annoyed by him. BUT while i clean the sink, they make a surprised for me!! He held a cake, Adek gave me a spray for birthday party, Bedul recorded everything. How thankful i am, wanna hug each of them, but i can't kwkw. We took the photos and we ate together, what a moment. I never can describe how happy i am, if you know my boyfriend can't express his feeling well, he is so direct and honest with his words so surprise event a rare thing for me. i wanna scream, I LOVE YOU REALLY. Thankyou for everything, thankyou for all past 9 years and we will walk together in the future, thankyou for spend all those time for me. 

HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO HAVE THEM, THANK GOD ~

Shadiq, Edhelweis, Bedul, Me and My Cutie Pie

He is my tsundere with a puffy eyes ~

Kamis, 30 Maret 2017

A cup of coffe ~

Secangkir kopi, beribu makna secangkir kopi bagi mereka yang mengerti. Kopi bagiku bukan hanya sekedar minuman pahit bercampur manisnya gula ataupun susu. Secangkir kopi yang awalnya tak pernah kusukai sama sekali rasanya begitu kuat di lidah. Pelan-pelan rasa pahit itu mengajarkan berbagai arti padaku. Bukan hanya sekedar minuman, kopi memberiku ku sebuah semangat dan rasa optimis menghadapi hari-hari ku, pelan tapi pasti segelas kopi membuatku ketagihan dengan rasanya. 

Kini, kopi bukan hanya sebuah rasa dan penyemangat saja namun sebuah tali khusus penghubung antara aku dan papa. Setiap waktu senggang ku disaat pulang ke rumah,  kami selalu saja mencari waktu untuk mengopi bersama. Bisa saja di cafe ataupun sebuah kedai kopi kecil langganan kami. Dari sebuah kopi, kami menghabiskan waktu bersama dan memulai percakapan yang lebih dalam dibandingkan biasanya. Umurku yang makin dewasa, setiap detik ku jauh dari kedua orang tuaku selalu ada rasa ingin mengerti beliau-beliau lebih dalam, berbagi rasa menanggung hidup bersama. Aku semakin dewasa dan beliau-beliau semakin menua, aku ingin menghabiskan waktuku untuk berbakti kepada mereka. Rasa syukur terbesarku adalah aku lahir dari keluarga kecil yang beliau-beliau ciptakan, tak sesempurna keluarga yang lain namun aku merasa cukup dengan adanya mereka. 

Sebuah kopi yang membuatku menyadari dan memulai untuk mengerti beliau-beliau. Kopi punya makna tersendiri bagiku. Layaknya filosofi sebuah kopi yang ramai orang lain bicarakan di media. Bagiku kopi juga sebagai penghubung dengan orang lain untuk memulai sebuah percakapan. Terutama bagi orang-orang terdekatku. Papa berbicara serius tentang masalah yang tidak pernah beliau bahas di kedai kopi. Hasrat meminum segelas kopi membuat kami lebih sering menghabiskan waktu berdua, karena mama bukanlah tipikal yang menyukai duduk dan bersantai meminum segelas kopi, beliau adalah tipikal workholic dan ibu terbaik yang pernah ada. 

Ku lalui waktu yang berharga bersama papa dan segelas kopi. :)

Jumat, 17 Maret 2017

A short escape

I got a month for holiday this semester, like usual i came back home which i missed everyday. Home is a place where i can find my happiness, my peace, my everything is here. My hometown is the place that i can lean on, Payakumbuh is a part of West Sumatera. A small city but you can find everything you need here. A city which full of variety food and treasurer of tourism.

To fill my holiday me and my best friends plan a short holiday, first we set our destination to Padang. There we can going to some island and watch a movie, i already satisfied when i imagine it. But like a famous quotes said that "not always what we want to be going according to plan" yeaa, the storm and heavy rain at our region and some areas affected by disaster. Because of that our parents forbid to going there. In the end we just decided went to Bukittinggi and Terusan Kamang.

That day we start at 5pm because some things that unavoidable. So Majik driving his car and we on the passanger seat, first the mood not so good since majik  have a little conflict with his mother. But we trying to made his mood up again. We singing in the car and laugh out loud. I am so happy whe i was with them, i found my happiness in them.  And that afternoon we just need  going straight from Payakumbuh the turn right and we arrived at Terusan Kamang. We took some photos there.

This is the view that afternoon

Nindy and Me

Nindy and Majik

They always with me

After that we eat some meatball at Bukittinggi called "BAKSO YARSI" that meatball so famous in town so we always going there if there is a chance. After that we move to "Panties Pizza" and hangout while playing yudo so much fun and our parents already ask for going home. So finally we ended out short escape at 12 pm still with the heavy rain.

Kamis, 09 Maret 2017

I am a tooth fairy

It is not like what in your imagination, i am not literally a tooth fairy. Otherwise, at my young age, 23 y.o i lost many teeth. Since i was a kid, i ate a lot ice cream, chocolate and all kind of sweets. And day by day my teeth became weak, a doctor ever said that beside the sweets it is  happen because antibiotics that i ate when i was sick. So here i am a young lady with teeth problem.

Today,  i went to dentist and my intention for made dentures. Before it, i lost four teeth only for my upper molars and now since a month ago, one more tooth crack right after i woke up -,- you know? its kinda funny but sad for me.

Absolutely i can't face this world without my dentures, so i decided to made a new dentures. When i arrived there, the doctor check my teeth and duplicate the structure of my teeth. after that i asked her "why when i used a floss my gum always bleed?" and she said it because a tartar, right away not in a minute my mother asked the doctor to cleaned up the tartar from my teeth. You know? so suddenly and so pain, oh my god! this why i always nervous when i heard dentist. Until now, i still can feel the pain. After long way cleaned up my tartar, i felt so fresh in my teeth. Then the doctor said that, i had one tooth that need to be remove.

OH PLEASE?! my mom again, let's remove it while we are at dentist and clean up all my teeth problem. Hesitate but for my own good, once again i remove my tooth and thankfully it is at my bellow molars and can't see them when i open up my mouth so do not need a dentures. 
You can imagine the pain?! really it is really give me a lesson, i should brush my teeth before sleep and take care of my mouth health included my precious teeth. Because the dentures i need to postpone going back to Jakarta, and absent for three days. Huft

Sabtu, 25 Februari 2017

Friendship and Egoists

Let's see tonight something made me really wanna write here, something that always bug me. It is friendship and Egoists. What is the real friendship is? What is the definition of egoists? When people can be egoists? I know everything depend on our each point of view but i just still don't get it. It is a our nature character if people just wanna other people listen a bunch of their stories without willing to listened other people stories. It is already set, but can we just adjust to the situation and be consider each other. 

Friendship that everyone proud of, so do i. I always trying to be a good friend for all my friends but something still missing, will they willing help me when i need a help? will they willing to hear my stories when i need people to talk?  When they will understand my situation when i not accidentally disappoint them? Will they? do what i did for them? Its not mean i am not sincere to them, i just curious. I have many friends around me but still empty, this is the time when while we growing up our real friends left us one by one cause a distance and we only care about our own business. Now i am grateful for them who still stay beside me, and care about me. They still wanna listening me, remember me being part of them. sometimes i wanna to be listened, not for once but twice when i wanna try to start a story their not respond

It just my feeling okay?! So felt like i just being there for them, listening their stories. Can we say that i am egoists? hahaha i am doubt what really egoists mean?! Back and forth remember me when you need it, its okay...its okay, that is the real life is. 

These day, i just wanna make my self happy without thinking others feeling, i am getting tired to care what others feel and being careful. That is my personality that always  don't want to hurt other feeling because i knew how felt hurt it left a scar that none can heal and stay forever. So i not talk too much, and can be the funny friends that can entertain other while with me, i am a bored one with lack of general knowledge. I only care what i think i should care. Aaa there is feeling that i can't describe in words. So i'm sorry that this is a confusing post, haha

Selasa, 13 Desember 2016

What else?!

Tuesday is today, you know? my activity just sleep all day long without doing an important activity. These past 3 month i had a severe insomnia, i always slept at 4 am no matter how sleepy i am, i just believe that because i sleep until noon.

Today, like usual and suddenly my uncle called me. I thought something important that he called me, but he just missed me and want to know about me. After talking with him, i realize that my life lack of affection. Because my parent busy with their own things so do i am. And i know why i always thirsty of attention of others. And so envy whenever i saw a warm family, my family warm  but different kind of warm. i didn't mean to regret and being ungrateful, no! i just wanna fix it for a better future, i know it will be affected later to my own - soon to be - family. I wanna make it warm as long as possible i can. 

In the noon my friend come over my dorm and we went to campus together, she is a fun to friend with. She is caring too. In the campus as usual we studied about organizational communication, i love the lecturer so cool and friendly. She is the best so far. Yea, just usual, after that i went to grocery mart to buy some ingredients to cook. I always cook in my dorm for saving money. You know i ashamed to ask more money. Actually i want to buy some things , but i have to think twice to do it. After that we went back to dorm. At dorm i only playing hp and laptop and ended look my cousin blog and want to write again here!

I decided to tell everything here everyday, beside my parents none to willing listen to my story. My boyfriend said that he will be there whenever i need him, talked to him if i wanna share but, its different from the way he act. I know and understood, we in relationship for a long time. He can get bored with me, we doing a long distance relationship too. His personality is can't to show what his felt, and now he is more focus on his study and future. Sometimes we just a long conversation when he is really in good mood and we have something to talking about. I realized from the start these past years we starting to lack of communication, while the communication is the most important in relationship. I can't do nothing, i want to start a more happier, open up, silly and a better communication but those will  slowly giving up. He is closed his heart too tight, since i knew his feeling not completely mine anymore like i loosing my charm. So these past years i am trying to not have a big hope, let it be like what he want to be. Honestly i day by day i loosing my feeling too. Every night i wish i had someone that have a lil bit time to put me in his priority, i won't ask for 24 hour, just a lil bit. He shows me how important me in his life, just a gentle act. Someone who can laugh with, do a silly things with, to talk a stupid thing. Since i know i am not a fun person to talk with i am understand him. Since i was a lil i always being left out between my pals, i am not really confident but just a dream. I just want to be happy actually. 

Now, i am trying to be a better person for a future 

Rabu, 17 Agustus 2016

Date and Laptop

Past these months, i haven't had a date with my boyfie ya because we met but with our playmates, me and him have a common playmates so i didn't call that a date. And T-O-D-A-Y  he asked me to hanging out to share our stories. My driving class has been canceled so i have more time to spend with him. I pick him up at his house, he said i wore a training suit besides i wore a brand new pants huuuft then we went to a cafe, which is a brand new and nice cafe in town. We find a seat that have plugs so he can charge his lovely laptop. As usual laptop always present between me and him, quiet funny but that is he did his job so i am understood him. We talked about everything, family, friends, us and more. I accompanied him while he did his job, but today i am happy that he asked me first. It is been a while he asked for a date. If you asked me, our relationship like couple-best friend we started our relationship from a friends and become a couple. The are plus or minus about this relationship and me too tired to setting up like we have to be. Just let it be ~
Then Weby came visit us for a while the leave us again. Since nearly sunset so we went home.
I am happy for today, thank to him

Me, Him and His Laptop

Minggu, 14 Agustus 2016

Cheer Up

What is friends for?  Those words was on my mind these days, i am trying to help my best friends as long as i can. One of those episodes is yesterday, my best friend follow an election for tourism ambassador in our town called "Uda Uni Kota Payakumbuh 2016" his name is Weby. Weby and me be a friends since 8 years a go, we attended the same junior high school and senior high school plus we are playmates till now.
So, a couple week ago, he registered himself  for followed the election and yesterday the final round of the election. I as his best friend of course support him as well. I am gathering another friend to go with, and Riri can accompanied me. We already at hall at 08.00 pm but the event started at 09.00 pm we waited meanwhile the hall increasingly filled by the audience who support their family. I am so proud of him, he trying his best and be a TOP 10. In the middle of event dhio, majik, wisnu and yudha came too.

He is the left most

Unfortunately, weby can't get in to TOP 3 but i am proud of him he trying his best to challenge his self. Beside that Imay there too, she is so pretty that night so different when we usually hang out she keep humble and low profile. Majik and Dhio showing their loyalty to their friends, how  lucky  i am have a chance to know them.
Friends is all that have beside family, they filling my day. Being a one child in the house sometimes so depressing for me because i have none to talk, to laugh, to share my day. But sometimes i imagine that what if i am the one who need them? will they do the same? Not because i am hoping their give a feedback  or unwilling helped them  but just wondering. Me will always cherish every friends of mine and thank you for always being with me


Yudha, Wisnu, Weby, Majik, Me and Dhio

Me and Imay
Imay also my playmates from another group and we be a friend since 8 years ago too, she is so talented and pretty but when we hang out she showing us more her true self. 

Sabtu, 30 Juli 2016

Really? This Time

Really, maybe this blog already sick when i always said that i will post everyday but didn't nothing. But sometimes i really tired to waiting midnight for access website freely because the mobile data. i wish i really can frequently posting on my blog at least for a diary right?

Actually i had many photos that i wanna share to my blog, but i didn't know where i should start it. out of many thing to do on my list blogging is one of them since i got 3 month holiday which is a loooooooooooooooooooooooong holiday before i start the new semester. You know i studied MARKETING COMMUNICATION now, at Bakrie University for a employee class. the class start at 6.30 pm and ended at 09.00 pm since then morning and night already switched naturally, i didn't have a job either because my mom ask me to focus. hmmm now i should start thinking about my final task already. I met new people at my new class and many of them older than me.

Enough with the study, blogging, photography, learn how to drive, cooking, design and many list that i wish i could do during the holiday but the fact that i'm a lazy butt that always hold my phone and laying down, browsing instagram, snapchat, line, and youtube looking for my korean idol, my inspiration my happiness EXO or Seventeen. My will so big but my body so lazy, i now i have to find a way to changes my habit. Later i will telling you more, and now i'm sleepy and my bed already calling me for a couple time.

oh ya, i change my concept to be more black and white!
see ya!

Sabtu, 02 Januari 2016

Envy them :(

The first day in January, 2016. last night i  slept around 3 AM and woke up at 6 AM hmm still sleepy after praying i am back to my bed embrace. At 3 PM i went to mall with my friend and her boyfriends, according to plan that i wanna watch movie but the ticket unavailable in holiday huft so i am cancel my plan. after lunch we went to shushi house to celebrate their first anniversary i want to feel be them, when i can  get a chance like that huff :(. Before went home i got a new pair of shoes !! i got confuse to choose black or stripes one, and ended bought the the stripes one. uhuuuu i got a new one thank god :)

Kamis, 31 Desember 2015

Goodbye 2015 and Hello 2016 !

Today the last day in 2015 and in 2015 you know so many thing happen in my life. God gave me a bunch of great friends in last semester, mpi, oi, nene, opin, jimu, megi, nanat, bundo, cipa, mega, odin, anu, azka, bedul and others. God gave a smooth way to graduate, passed my seminar and assembly, plus I am graduate from diploma with excellent grade. I am made my parents proud of me, this is still a small present for them, I really can't live without them. I always want them to be happy, always healthy stay beside me.

Thanks god, you are the one and only. God gave a man that always tryin his best to be with me while he is not really into me, he gave me surprise and gift. God I really felt bad for him, because I forced to loved me, haha but I am already promised that I always stand by his side no matter what. I am just wanna see his smile, always happy, I still can't figure it out the reason why I am being like this to him. I am okay, but I loosing my trust to everyone, I lost my confident, hard to trust anyone now, even asking for a help I can't say it loudly, I am afraid that i will be a burden. 
After graduated i am afraid to face a work world, just afraid I can't believe my self, but I know I can do it, as long as i wanna to try it right?

Today, I am alone for a whole day, literally. haha Do you know how pathetic I am? I feel bad for my self, how hard for me to talk to anyone, even for friends? I am not find it beside me, they lost! usually I am just getting used by some people, hmm I don't know either. But let it happen till 2015 now already 2016 and i must prepare my self to be a better me, to the new me, to upgrade my self. I always grateful for 21 years old till now for the future I always be feel thankful to god for everything for all happiness, all sadness all lesson for a better me !

Happy New Year 2016
  

Rabu, 30 Desember 2015

hello from the last day in 2015 !

Hello, me is back hahaha i know this is for a thousand times that i said i’m back but not regular posted. Yeaa its me trying to find who really i am. Now, i’m decided to do it regular and i start it with change my blog design. You know i always having interest in drawing, design, fashion, etc. I am curious for a while about how to make a flat design and now i can make it yeeehee!! Look my blog header that my first flat design masterpiece thanks to youtube haha. What do you think? Practice always make perfect right? 


here my first flat design !