Tuesday is today, you know? my activity just sleep all day long without doing an important activity. These past 3 month i had a severe insomnia, i always slept at 4 am no matter how sleepy i am, i just believe that because i sleep until noon.
Today, like usual and suddenly my uncle called me. I thought something important that he called me, but he just missed me and want to know about me. After talking with him, i realize that my life lack of affection. Because my parent busy with their own things so do i am. And i know why i always thirsty of attention of others. And so envy whenever i saw a warm family, my family warm but different kind of warm. i didn't mean to regret and being ungrateful, no! i just wanna fix it for a better future, i know it will be affected later to my own - soon to be - family. I wanna make it warm as long as possible i can.
In the noon my friend come over my dorm and we went to campus together, she is a fun to friend with. She is caring too. In the campus as usual we studied about organizational communication, i love the lecturer so cool and friendly. She is the best so far. Yea, just usual, after that i went to grocery mart to buy some ingredients to cook. I always cook in my dorm for saving money. You know i ashamed to ask more money. Actually i want to buy some things , but i have to think twice to do it. After that we went back to dorm. At dorm i only playing hp and laptop and ended look my cousin blog and want to write again here!
I decided to tell everything here everyday, beside my parents none to willing listen to my story. My boyfriend said that he will be there whenever i need him, talked to him if i wanna share but, its different from the way he act. I know and understood, we in relationship for a long time. He can get bored with me, we doing a long distance relationship too. His personality is can't to show what his felt, and now he is more focus on his study and future. Sometimes we just a long conversation when he is really in good mood and we have something to talking about. I realized from the start these past years we starting to lack of communication, while the communication is the most important in relationship. I can't do nothing, i want to start a more happier, open up, silly and a better communication but those will slowly giving up. He is closed his heart too tight, since i knew his feeling not completely mine anymore like i loosing my charm. So these past years i am trying to not have a big hope, let it be like what he want to be. Honestly i day by day i loosing my feeling too. Every night i wish i had someone that have a lil bit time to put me in his priority, i won't ask for 24 hour, just a lil bit. He shows me how important me in his life, just a gentle act. Someone who can laugh with, do a silly things with, to talk a stupid thing. Since i know i am not a fun person to talk with i am understand him. Since i was a lil i always being left out between my pals, i am not really confident but just a dream. I just want to be happy actually.
Now, i am trying to be a better person for a future